It is the dead of winter, and yet, somehow, wildfires are currently ravaging southern California. Each year, unprecedented weather events become significantly more precedented, and the culprit couldn’t be clearer: climate change. That, however, has not stopped tech companies from going gaga for the latest environmentally-destructive fad. Just one state over from California, they’ve spent the week putting on the dumbest possible parade in generative AI’s honor.
The Consumer Electronics Show is taking place in Las Vegas right now, and predictably, AI is (once again) this year’s big buzzword. A quick roundup of some of the brilliant inventions that have crowded the spotlight:
- The PUBG Ally, a “co-playable character” that draws on Nvidia AI NPC tech to “communicate using game-specific lingo, provide real-time strategic recommendations, find and share loot, drive vehicles, and fight other human players using the game’s extensive arsenal of weapons.” So basically, it’s a soulless, subservient husk you can play the battle royale with if you don’t have any friends. And given what we’ve seen from other AI NPCs, I’m sure it will work exactly as intended and definitely not lose the plot the second you push it too far.
- Inworld AI, Logitech, and Nvidia’s “Intelligent Streaming Assistant,” an AI cohost for livestreamers that the companies say can understand what’s happening in games and “highlight a well-timed build, provide commentary during a dramatic Victory Royale, or shoutout audience members for sending tips.” In short, it can awkwardly insert itself into the vital alchemy that streamers and chat produce together, adding a third voice where streamers have already demonstrated that they don’t really want one. Sounds bad in theory, looks rough in practice – and that’s when the companies in question have complete control over it. The assistant can also perform behind-the-scenes functions like troubleshooting and setting up Streamlabs. Sure, OK, whatever.
- Nvidia RTX Neural Faces, which aim to “cross the uncanny valley” by using generative AI to make video game characters’ faces look a) way worse and b) not at all how artists intended them to.
- New Nvidia graphics cards that could up your power bill by hundreds of dollars per year.
- Nvidia’s “Digits” AI computer, presumably named for the portion of human anatomy AI still struggles to correctly generate.
- Google’s new “world modeling” team, which will continue the company’s quest to build bad-looking video games incorrectly.
- Ball robot.
- Grill.
I’ve obviously handpicked a bunch of egregious, tenuously-gaming-related examples here, but they’re still illustrative of a larger point: Tech’s biggest movers, shakers, and grill makers are all in on generative AI, heedless of how much sense it makes. Why? Because investor money and record-high valuations – and certainly not to enrich your experience of anything. Nobody, outside of the same few sickos who embrace every emissions-surging tech trend, is asking for this. These are not use cases; they’re excuses.
On their own, each of these solutions looking for a problem does not represent anywhere near the totality of the issue. They are merely symptomatic. But during a week-old year in which the six biggest banks in the US have quit the Net Zero Banking Alliance, Israel has employed a fallible “AI factory” to select targets in Gaza, embarrassing AI guy Elon Musk has made his mark on global politics, somehow-more embarrassing AI guy Mark Zuckerberg has followed Musk’s footsteps in kissing Trump’s ring, and even their sad sycophants have found themselves helpless in the face of California wildfires, it’s become impossible to ignore the interconnectedness of it all.
It’s so putridly on the nose. California and Nevada are next door neighbors. People in one state are microdosing the end of the world while people in the other ring it in. What are we even doing here? And what will it take to get us – by which I very much mean them – to stop?
