Late last week, a cavalcade of cynics and useful idiots accused leftist Twitch streamer Hasan “HasanAbi” Piker – who many of the aforementioned cynics have been trying to bring down for years – of being a secret dog abuser. This is on its face absurd; there are hundreds of hours of stream footage in which Piker does not abuse his dog, Kaya, in addition to numerous videos and clips in which he dotes on her, takes her to play with other dogs, and generally treats her the way you’d expect from a decent pet owner. However, more than half a week later, this non-troversy remains the talk of the Twitch extended universe. What are we even doing here?
To be honest, I wouldn’t be mentioning this if not for the fact that it’s a microcosm of how online platforms work today: Somebody makes an accusation based on evidence that’s spurious at best, big names with something to gain (viewership or the downfall of a perceived enemy) uncritically boost it, internet sleuths obsessively piece together supporting evidence by amassing context-free clips and ignoring everything that doesn’t match their intended conclusion, and all of the aforementioned parties spread performatively apoplectic videos across Reddit, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter, and wherever else they can sucker in uninitiated normies.
Some version of this happens every week – every day, on a smaller scale – without fail. It accomplishes nothing aside from giving the disaffected masses a brief glimmer of what feels like purpose, but is actually a bloodsucking waste of their precious time on this dying planet. And of course, it provides platforms with sweet, sweet engagement numbers. As a result, platforms will probably never intervene to disrupt this corrosive dynamic, which has broken the general public’s ability to perceive anything resembling objective reality, even as society collapses around them and people like Piker attempt to identify the real reasons why (hint: they don't involve dog collars).
The internet has been like this at least since the Depp v. Heard trial, which wannabe sleuths similarly feasted on in 2022 while getting pretty much every important detail completely wrong. At least back then they were obsessing over something of consequence. Now they’ve taught viewers to regard every trumped-up non-issue they can surface with similar gravity.
The particulars barely matter in #CollarGate’s case, because they are stupid, but here’s a quick rundown: The clip that started it all depicts Piker, clearly not in a great mood, chiding Kaya for leaving her spot behind his streaming setup. Shortly after, she yelps, seemingly in pain, before laying back down. Piker proceeds to say in an exasperated voice that she’s “being such a baby.” Piker himself has admitted that in isolation, it’s not a great look! But it’s also explicable: Kaya likely got her dewclaw – a small extra toe higher on the leg than the rest of the foot – caught on the side of her bed, resulting in a sudden and surprising burst of pain as she moved to climb back in.
This single moment was enough to send the conspiracy mill into overdrive. Content creators and their fans became convinced that, in that moment, Piker pressed an off-screen button to violently shock Kaya, who – according to their telling of events – he has been secretly torturing for years. In the coming days, they reinforced their claims with clips in which Piker reached in a direction and Kaya, napping, did not make any noise but suddenly moved, as well as others in which Piker orders Kaya – clearly trained – to go back to her spot. Some of these include text narration of every minute reaction from Kaya, which seem incriminating until you realize she’s just doing normal dog things like licking her lips and looking in directions; she’s not regularly yelping, nor does she appear to fear or loathe Piker. Others purport to depict unforgivable abuse by Piker when, in actuality, Kaya is just napping.
For his part, Piker has offered multiple plausible explanations backed up by testimonies by friends who’ve spent ample time in his home. Kaya’s collar, he says, does not have shock functionality. It can only rumble. He’s backed this up by showing the collar to his audience. He also keeps a button on his desk to open the gate that keeps her in his office.
Nonetheless, content creators like Ethan Klein, Asmongold, and Destiny – who have made countless hours of content about Piker over the years both to farm engagement and because they oppose his pro-Palestinian politics – have kept the faux-outrage train rolling right into a new week, with additional commentary on Piker’s friends, a podcast episode Piker was set to guest on that apparently got canned against the hosts’ wishes, and whatever other scraps they can pick up and throw around like so much attention-grabbing confetti. Number-chasing drama hounds like xQc and MoistCr1TiKaL, you will not be surprised to learn, have also been having a field day with this one.
These creators and their orbiters do not actually care about dogs, nor do their ever-shifting, trend-chasing stances suggest that they care about anything except themselves. The content creation ecosystem breeds sociopathic cynicism and preys on those credulous enough to have not yet realized this. Unfortunately, millions upon millions of people fall into the latter category. This is not helped by the fact that large portions of the internet, especially Reddit, have been astroturfed via bots, making it seem like many more people give a shit about the non-issue of the day than actually do.
It is evident that Piker insists on maintaining structure in Kaya’s life so that she doesn’t go too far off the proverbial leash, but so do a lot of dog owners! My mom’s Kaya-sized dog, who I can attest lives a blessed life, spends most of his day napping next to her. This is because dogs sleep an average of 12-14 hours per day, almost as much as cats! That’s not evidence of abuse, nor is it in Piker’s case, especially in the face of an overwhelming amount of footage in which nothing is happening – or Piker is going out of his way to give Kaya attention. It is also clear that Piker has become vocally irritated with Kaya – and his dog before her, Fish – at various points. He has even sworn at them and physically moved them. That’s not great! It is still not evidence of pervasive abuse, however, because pets cannot understand words, and sometimes all they do understand is a person pushing or pulling them.
Every pet owner gets frustrated with their pet sometimes; this is because animals are dumb and bad at recognizing what matters to us. My cat recently got into the habit of screaming at me before I was ready to wake up in the morning – in defiance of our long-established breakfast schedule, which keeps her from going over a healthy weight. Usually I would tell her to cut it out in a normal voice before rolling over and trying to get a few more minutes of shuteye. Occasionally, exasperated by her repeated attempts, I would yell at her from across the room to shut the fuck up. I’m not proud of that, and I wish I hadn’t done it. But I think there’s a pretty clear line between moments of frustration boiling over and outright abuse. My cat, by the way, remains perfectly chill and happy, and literally anyone who’s ever met her would attest that she loves me a lot.
The problem with the kind of supposed smoking gun people believe they’ve found conveniently offscreen of Piker is that it doesn’t really make sense in context. After all these years, the most incriminating evidence anyone can find is a handful of, at best, sus clips? And Kaya has only yelped in one of them? That kind of precision would require a diabolical mastermind to maintain, and what kind of calculating evildoer would film the whole thing for ten hours per day? While letting countless friends and high-profile guests – some of them politicians who could potentially farm political capital by disowning Piker – bear witness in person?
But the problem with conspiracies is that everything – even evidence to the contrary – becomes “proof” that the conspiracy is real. So despite how ridiculous it sounds when you put it to paper, the more likely explanation in the eyes of those both dishing up and dining out on this obvious bait is that Piker is a black-hearted villain, and every single person in his orbit is part of a meticulously coordinated effort to keep his secret, which he spent years allegedly parading around in the open, safe.
This despite the fact that it is simply much more likely that someone would have blabbed by now, because that’s how people work. This is the easiest hole to poke in almost any conspiracy: People talk. The more of them you bring into a covert operation, the more likely it is that somebody will slip up or switch sides for their own benefit. If you take into account the actual habits and tendencies of human beings, large-scale conspiracies are immensely difficult – verging on impossible – to keep going indefinitely.
We then arrive at the biggest worthwhile question of all: Why would anyone spend years performing not-so-secret secret dog torture? Or rather, if somebody possessed with your own human faculties – and not those of a cartoon super villain – was in this situation, why would they do it? I’ve seen people suggest that Piker just wants a living, breathing stream prop. But that also doesn’t make sense! Viewers tune into Piker for political commentary and himbo antics – not for a dog that evidence suggests does not meaningfully contribute to viewership numbers. For a period of time after Fish died, Piker didn’t have a dog. He nonetheless remained one of the biggest streamers on Twitch.
This is probably the dumbest psychosis event the internet has produced in recent months, but it’s still illustrative of how the machine works. All this so it can vomit meaningless slop into your mouth, siphon away your energy, and keep you docile. When you see a controversy take this shape, share this general silhouette, you can safely ignore it. You should ignore it. Engage at your own peril.
