Y’all Undersold How Bad The 1989 Legend of Zelda Cartoon Is

Serendipitously, a day before Shigeru Miyamoto via Nintendo’s official Twitter account released the first three still images of director Wes Ball‘s upcoming live-action The Legend of Zelda movie, I experienced my first ever piece of Zelda media: The Legend of Zelda 1989 cartoon. It's kinda astonishing how bad a first impression it was as my first-ever introduction to a beloved Nintendo series. 

To set the scene: Yes, I’ve never played a single The Legend of Zelda video game. That being said, the past three decades of cultural osmosis on Earth have given me the tools to get the bare essentials of what Nintendo’s blonde twink is all about. He wears green, swings a sword, is mild-mannered, and should never talk. 

So, how’d I get here? A patron at my friend’s art gallery, where we meet every Sunday evening for a community drawing night, came through with some VHS tapes after hearing we sometimes play old movies and shows on a CRT we roll out, substitute-teacher style, while drawing. Their humble offerings for us this week were VHS tapes of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Captain Planet, and, of course, The Legend of Zelda. After hearing my diatribe about what I do for work, everyone was shocked to see my off-guard smile, which turned into a frown as I turned back to them, minutes into the VHS tape, saying, “I don’t like this.”

For starters, the cartoon wasted no time committing the cardinal sin of character assassination of my vague image of Link by having him talk… a lot. While I’m not the first, nor even the second Aftermather to wax poetic about the phenomenon of Link talking being all of the red flags, my main gripe with the show is less about him not grunting “hyat!” or “hyup” or saying “come on.” It’s that he’s an annoying little shit. 

Don’t believe me, see for yourself.

They didn’t just create one of these; they made 13 episodes of The Legend of Zelda cartoon. As Luke wrote for the other site, this cartoon emerged as Nintendo’s first effort to turn its properties into a cross-media phenomenon, jumping from games to TV. While still reeling from the shock of having my first full experience with The Legend of Zelda, and surprised that it might also be others’ first introduction, the wonderfully animated series isn’t bratty little brother energy I can laugh with, but rather an annoying rugrat I can’t wait to be rid of.

Chief among the things that gave me the ick about this Link were:

• Him cat calling Zelda
• His whiny frat boy voice 
• His Marvel movie headass quips
• His shitty catchphrase
• His “where my hug” energy

I can't stress enough how wack this Link is. I genuinely felt like he gave me COVID through the buzzing CRT television screen while I watched him wander around for 15 minutes. To my absolute horror, when I looked up the series to wonder why in the hell Nintendo, with their famous reckless wisdom from back in the day, would approve of this, I found out that one of the running jokes for the Viacom cartoon was Link pestering Zelda for a kiss. I'll just go ahead and rip off the band-aid by telling you all that in the show’s last episode, an act of God causes the earth to literally crumble under his feet as Link tries to finally kiss Zelda. After what I can only imagine was months of coercing, Zelda finally stumbles into admitting that she, despite how irritating he is, loves him, and that he’s at least earned a little kiss, which she stresses, “means nothing.” 

My only mercy while watching “The Ringer” was being interrupted by two live-action episodes of The Super Mario Bros. Super Show! segments. The first featured Ghostbuster Ernie Hudson helping to cure an unnervingly Slimer-infested Luigi with a ricochet shot. The second saw Mario and Frankenstein’s monster swapping brains. Needless to say, I was coping by doing The Mario dance on my wayward night walk home from the art gallery after voluntarily subjecting myself to Link’s debaucherous energy.

My only hope is that Wes Ball knows his last name and truly lives up to his claim that his film will have a more Studio Ghibli-like vibe. Hopefully, all the whiny snark from actor Jonathan Potts’ Link will be replaced with a touch of Adventure Time-like charm, with Benjamin Evan Ainsworth’s portrayal as the hero of Hyrule.

If Link Talks, I Walk - Aftermath

The only acceptable forms of communication for Link are hiiiiyah, break jar, and journalism

AftermathNathan Grayson