Things You Could’ve Done With $1 Million Instead Of Spending It On Jensen Huang’s Fuckass Jacket

You know that thing people do where, after they give you money, they cheekily say, “Don’t spend it all in one place?” This is the place they’re referring to. This is The Wrong Place to spend all of it—or any of it, for that matter.

CNBC reports that last Friday, somebody purchased one of billionaire Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang’s tacky, hideously uncool leather jackets for $960,000. That sum would be eye-popping in any circumstance but becomes unforgivable when you consider that the jacket’s original valuation was $40,000-$60,000. It was being sold as part of a Sotheby’s auction to benefit what initially sounds like a worthwhile cause, but which—when you consider that this particular nonprofit is supported by people who idolize Huang and call the jacket “the uniform of a ‘first believer’” in “the AI revolution”—begins to sound like Hell:

This auction item is a philanthropic initiative organized by Long Journey Ventures to benefit the Edge Institute, a non-profit that convenes people working at the frontiers of tech, science, culture, and society in popup villages (Edge Cities) to live together and experiment towards a brighter future. The proceeds will fund fellowships, grants, and residencies for the next generation of young builders to pursue their passions and projects, supporting them to find their higher purpose.

In any case, here are some other things the person who bought Jensen Huang’s ugly, blood money-slick nerd jacket could’ve spent their (roughly) $1 million on:

Several nice cars
A decent house in a smaller city
A one-bedroom apartment in New York City
A bunch of ultra-rare Pokémon cards
An election
Citizenship in Malta
A ticket to outer space
A basketball that’s selling for $320,722 on Amazon, specifically
The original Breakfast At Tiffany’s script
A year’s worth of food and supplies for multiple families in your community (assuming you, the person who bought the jacket, have a community in any real sense and do not instead own, like, a company town—or a prison)
The Doom bathroom (give or take $88,000)
101,327 lbs or 50.7 tons of cheesecake bites (according to Isaiah’s math, which I do not feel like double checking)
1/400 of Gabe Newell’s biggest yacht
A struggling indie game studio
Most—but not quite all—of the games on Steam
Other jackets Jensen Huang might want in the future, but you dedicate your life to buying them before he can, filling his days with disappointment
A flamethrower, to burn all of Jensen Huang’s jackets
Aftermath