The crowds cheer. Blood is wiped from the walls. Victors celebrate, however briefly, while losers are dragged from the arena floor. Aftermath's 2023 Game Of The Year Deathmatch continues, and tonight, two more combatants are ready to test their mettle.
Last time out we saw Karlach tie Link into a pretzel. Now it's time for It Was A Mario Game But Weirdly Nobody Really Cared Super Mario Bros. Wonder--represented by none other than Elephant Mario himself--to take on PS2 Game In A Good Way Lies of P, whose Champion will of course be Pinocchio.
To recap the rules before we get into it: there are 16 games in the mix for Game of the Year 2023. We're pitting them against each other in a knockout tournament. But we're not pitting the games themselves against each other; instead, we're selecting a Champion from in or around each game and having them duke it out in the arena in hand-to-hand (or weapon-to-weapon, or hand-to-weapon) combat. The winner, decided via a schoolyard "would Batman beat Superman" style debate, moves on. The loser does not. Here's how things stand after three bouts:
OK, enough chatter! Two characters enter, only one leaves! Let's fight!
Chris: P would completely demolish Elephant Mario, like it's not even a question. A level 3 puppet string to the chest followed by a combo, a few perfect guards and a fable art and he’s done.
Basically any strategy that applies to Champion Victor or the Green Monster Of The Swamp applies here. Acid abrasive would make short work of him of unless Elephant Mario counts as a Carcass in which case fire is the move. A fully upgraded Booster Glaive handle with a Bone-Cutting Saw Blade or the Curved Dancer’s Sword Handle paired the Live Puppet Axe would melt Mario’s minuscule defenses. I guess Mario could like jump or something.
Riley: I haven't played either of these games but puppets are terrifying and want to kill us all, and that murderous rage would surely be a boon here.
Chris: That’s a fair point Riley. P is generally human as far as puppets go, but he’s had to do things Mario would never dream of. He simply wants it more.
Luke: I agree with Chris, but mostly because I want to see Elephant Mario suffer.
Nathan: Elephant Mario, like all Marios in Wonder, isn't even voiced by Charles Martinet. Let off-brand Timothee Chalamet do as he will. I won't intervene.
WINNER: P
Well, that was easy. Next up: Final Fantasy XVI vs Cyberpunk 2077: Phantom Liberty!
