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I Am Going To Do Right By The Witcher 4’s New Horse

A new horse is too much pressure for me, a noted Witcher failure

CD Projekt Red showed a look at The Witcher 4 in today's State of Unreal presentation. It looks nice! I knew we'd play as Ciri, but for some reason it didn't fully occur to me that Ciri would, of course, have her own horse until we saw her in today's demo.

Kelpie is Ciri's horse in The Witcher books, and is mentioned in The Witcher 3 as well. In today's demo, she's a big black horse, and the presenters took pains to note that "since you're going to explore the world on horseback, riding needs to be seamless, natural, and just fun" and that "controlling her [will feel] realistic and grounded" thanks to tools in Unreal.

The developers also detailed Unreal tech that allows for "realistic movement and muscles stretching under Kelpie's skin without compromising the performance there," zooming in on Kelpie running unadorned to show... a bunch of horse, and also a cutaway to an anatomical drawing of... a bunch of the inside of a horse.

That's some real "horse testicles changing with the weather" hours, but the idea of a better-controlling horse is nice if you, unlike me, aren't trauma-bonded to how Geralt's horse Roach famously steered like a boat.

I have to admit I have reservations about playing as Ciri--not for the reasons that are surely ripping through the worst parts of the internet right now, but because I did her real dirty in my Witcher 3 playthrough, playing Geralt as the worst possible dad despite being fully confident that I was doing everything right. It's a shame my Witcher-loving colleagues like Luke have never let me live down, and for years after I wrote about it on Kotaku I would get emails from readers either admitting to their own failures or excoriating me for mine, compounding my own struggles with the matter. As I wrote at the time:

Even though it was just a video game, I had a bit of a moral crisis. I couldn’t get over how spectacularly badly I’d done while thinking I was doing such a good job. I used to be a prison chaplain for goodness’ sake—surely I should be good at feelings, even virtual ones? I started recalling all the real-life interactions where I think I’m putting other people’s needs ahead of my own, mining them for hidden failures. Who else in my life could I be ignorant of hurting?

So The Witcher 4, which I am excited about because it's more Witcher, is also exciting to me as a chance to try to do better by Ciri. But it's also a new chance to do terribly by Ciri all over again. And now she has her own special horse in the mix, one with lore and a fandom. One without Geralt's gruffness and, potentially, Roach's recalcitrance to justify their love-hate relationship.

Will Kelpie end up on roofs? Will I steer her into trees and off cliffs and hop off her and wander miles away and then get mad when she doesn't instantly appear when I whistle even though it's my fault for wandering so far away in the first place? How will Ciri talk to her? How will I do right by this horse, and by extension Ciri?

It's already too much pressure. I haven't made it through any of The Witcher books beyond the first, so if there's some horrible The NeverEnding Story-style twist coming, please do not tell me about it until after it happens and I blame myself for it. I am going to do my best to not lose this horse. I am not going to call her "Roach" by accident. I am not going to be mad at her for things that are my fault. I am going to redeem myself in her eyes, and by extension in the eyes of all the people in my life because I will read too much into my video game life choices. This is a good plan that has no downsides. Let's go.

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