This is it, the final bout of our first round of matches. After this it's the quarter finals, then before you know it we'll have a winner and we can all get on with playing some 2024 video games instead.
(Just kidding, play whatever you want, whenever! We're not your parents! If we were we'd be saying stuff like "why are you spending money on video games in this economy?!")
A final reminder on the rules before we get into it: There are 16 games in the mix for Game of the Year 2023. We're pitting them against each other in a knockout tournament. But we're not pitting the games themselves against each other; instead, we're selecting a Champion from in or around each game and having them duke it out in the arena of fiction in hand-to-hand (or weapon-to-weapon, or hand-to-weapon) combat. The winner, decided via a schoolyard "would Batman beat Superman" style debate, moves on. The loser does not. Here's how things stand after seven bouts:
Tonight's final first round matchup is between Diablo IV (represented by The Necromancer) and Alan Wake 2 (represented by Alan Wake). FIGHT!
Riley: Despite being a horror game protagonist, Alan Wake is a wiener who could be defeated by a stiff breeze, so I think this one goes to Diablo.
Luke: Diablo IV's Necromancer: entirely comfortable dealing with the spirits of the dead, often to their advantage.
Alan Wake: big sad baby who needs to shine a light on the dead to avoid dying instantly.
Nathan: Diablo IV's story is even kinda decent in places, so Alan Wake (the character, not the game) would also lose in a writing contest.
Chris: Alan Wake has an advantage that Diablo never will: the nation of Finland.
Ahti would intervene.
Luke: I'm sorry Chris, Alan Wake 2 takes place in Washington, it can't tag in the nation of Finland (4600 miles away) for support.
Chris: Alan Wake could simply turn the necromancer into a local, bumbling sheriff. There is no problem he could not Garth Marenghi his way out of.
Nathan: Hmmm, Chris makes a compelling point here.
Luke: "There is no problem he could not Garth Marenghi his way out of" is pretty convincing.
Riley: But even when he controls reality, he's still a horror game protagonist; he's still outmatched! Who's to say he would use his powers to his own advantage here? I think he's too stymied by his emotional issues!
Chris: I think he’s in his element against a Blizzard character because it’s kinda corny genre writing. He would be unable to deal with the complex nuanced plot of a FromSoft game, or the joyful exuberance of a Yakuza game. But here, he’s on his home turf.
Nathan: That's definitely true.
If any fight in this Tenkaftermath Budokai is winnable for Alan Wake, it's this one.
Riley: Yeah, if Alan got some therapy first, maybe this is his moment!
WINNER: ALAN WAKE
Wow, what a comeback from Wake! Thus concludes the first round of knockout matches! We'll bring you the quarter finals--starting with Dredge vs Cities: Skylines II--soon. Until then, good night!
